Episode 20: Quiet

Welcome to 2023 and to the 20th Episode of Metamorphosis, this time featuring the book Quiet, ‘The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking’ by Susan Cain. Her book has topped the bestseller’s list for almost a decade, and her viral Ted talk, ‘The Power of Introverts,’ has been viewed more than 30 million times!!! I got gravitated to reading this book after hearing Susan on Ryan Holiday’s podcast, The Daily Stoic, which I highly recommend you check out.

This book has a precious place in my heart and I am totally convinced that it has something for everyone to relate to. I am glad I could get my hands on the paperback and I would be remiss if I didn’t appreciate the prettiest book cover I have seen in a while-

On a white background with silently embossed letters, Q U I E T.

(They echo the sensitivity and seriousness of introverts which has been relegated behind the scenes of society’s convoluted valuation of extroverts.
This book at the core talks about the brain chemistry of introverts and extroverts and is backed by passionate research and an element of relevance in social interactions at play these days. Be it at the workplace, in schools or in cultures.)


It’s interesting how Susan brings to surface the divide between the Culture of Character vs the Culture of Personality. Noting that the word Personality didn’t even exist in English until the eighteenth century and the idea of having a good personality wasn’t even widespread until the twentieth century.
So how did we go from appraising traits like discipline, seriousness and honour (inner virtues) to worshipping the outer charm of personality, one that is considered fit to be that of a star performer?

The answer is not that simple, however, in all fairness can be approximated to the forces at play-

As businesses started to sprawl and the vicissitudes of globalisation started to become visible, desperate measures to differentiate amongst themselves saw humans respond by becoming favourable by subscribing to the idea of -

“A personality is power”

Several social paradigms culturally, politically and socially led to the globally likened appreciation of extroversion.
This was extenuated by discoveries of prominent psychologists like Carl Jung who in 1921 wrote a proxy rulebook defining a precarious status for introverts.
Even self-help guides changed their focus and people became fascinated by the ability to be visibly charismatic, donned in confidence.
Such trends transpired to create an Extrovert Ideal which another school of thought looks at through the lens of demographics-

"Some psychologists like Kenneth Olson said 'As personality traits are genetically transmitted, each succeeding wave of emigrants to a new continent would give rise over time to a population of more engaged individuals than reside in the emigrant’s continent of origin.’
(Notably, the trait of extroversion is found to be less prevalent in Asia and Africa than in Europe and America, whose populations descend largely from the migrants of the world.)


A quarter of the book is rich in examples about the coming of the extroversion age, brain chemistry and biology of the two types and examples of introverts without whom we wouldn’t have the Apple computer, the theory of relativity or the famous sunflowers painting. In all sincerity, the book is an account of the strength of quiet, not a contrarian view on how the world has been taken over by the loudest. But a reckoning for everyone to listen, and harness the power of introverts.

My first takeaway is,
Introverts are offered keys to private gardens full of riches. To possess such a key is to tumble like Alice down her rabbit hole.’
which is succinctly translated in the quote by Anais Nin,

"Our culture made a virtue of living only as extroverts. We discouraged the inner journey, the quest for a centre. So we lost our centre and have to find it again."

With the social fabric we have been endowed, the ‘centre’ loosely translates to figuring out the right lighting.
As Susan writes, “Love is essential. Cherish your nearest and dearest. Don’t worry about socializing with everyone else. Relationships make everyone happier, introverts included, but think quality over quantity.

"Figure out what you are meant to contribute to the world and make sure you contribute it. Make a deal with yourself that you’ll attend/engage a set number of social events in exchange for not feeling guilty when you say no."


My second takeaway is in understanding that
‘Introverts in an Extrovert Ideal are better off, when they are skilled at adopting Free Traits in social settings that are close to their Core Personal Projects.’

We all are capable of such flexibility that it really doesn't make sense to pat a dichotomy of an introvert/extrovert.
As psychologists now confirm that personality traits shift according to the situation people find themselves.
Professor Brian Little from Harvard University brought forward the Free Trait Theory. Believing that fixed traits and free traits coexist.

"We are born and culturally endowed with certain personality traits- introversion, for example- but we can and do act out of character in the service of “core personal projects."

It is reasonable to agree that introverts existing in an extrovert ideal, would be better off when they are skilled at adopting Free Traits in social settings. Parallel to the saying, ‘When in Rome do as the Romans do,’ such awareness would yield the most benefit when an introvert is able to identify their personal projects.

"A man has as many social selves as there are distinct groups of persons about whose opinion he cares. He generally shows a different side of himself to each of these different groups."

Susan shares her discovery on identifying the core personal projects.

1) Think back to what you loved to do when you were a child. How did you answer the question of what you wanted to be when you grew up? (Because you may have known more about who you were then than you do now.)
2) Pay attention to the work you gravitate to.
3) Pay attention to what you envy. (You mostly envy those who have what you desire.)

Somewhere in answering these questions, you will find a lead on your personal projects.



My final takeaway is
"The trick is not to amass all the different kinds of available power, but to use well the kind you’ve been granted."

Carving out Restorative Niches and rendering their importance in crucial decisions is how introverts can strike a balance between acting out of character and staying in character, metaphorically.

A Restorative Niche is the place you go when you want to return to your true self. By carefully selecting where you sit in the classroom or the meeting, or by how and when you participate in discussion.
Introverts should ask whether their job will allow them to spend time on in-character activities, like, perhaps, reading, strategizing, writing and researching?
Will I have enough time on evenings and weekends to great them to myself?

In conjunction to the Free Trait Agreement, one can acknowledge to act out to character some of the time- in exchange for being themselves the rest of the time. This extends to relationships, engaging in celebrations, social events or offering services.


This brings us to the end of this episode, and like always leaving you with some words to live by and this time in the form of proverbs from the East and the West, showcasing the starkly different attitudes we have come from culturally:

"The wind howls, but the mountain remains still. (Those who know do not speak. Those who speak do not know.)"
-Proverb from the East

"Be a craftsman in speech that thou mayest be strong, for the strength of one is the tongue, and speech is mightier than all fighting."
-Proverb from the West

Thank you for reading through this episode of Metamorphosis!

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Episode 21: Chip War

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Episode 19: Courage is Calling